clamhead

clamhead, Migraine, 2007. © 2007 clamhead

Apply directly to the forehead

I've been getting migraines since I was 18. I experienced my first migraine as I was visiting a friend at her college in Arizona. As we were walking around, I noticed a spot was forming in my right eye. It got bigger and bigger until it all but blocked out vision in that eye. I kept saying to my friend, "I'm seeing spots." I don't think she believed me. I was relieved when the spots finally dissipated - only to be slammed in the head with the most crushing headache I'd ever had. It was like nothing I've experienced before or since. I retreated to her sorority house and went to bed, convinced I was dying. I was sure I was having some sort of a stroke or aneurysm and they'd find my lifeless body under that Laura Ashley comforter the next morning.

I survived the night. When I called my mom that day and told her what had happened, she said, "Oh, that's a migraine." Turns out they run in our family. Awesome. My mom gets them, but she doesn't get the auras (those weird spots). My sister gets them as well but very infrequently, which is fortunate for her because the pain and nausea that go with her variety usually land her in the emergency room.

Mine are pretty basic. I get them 4 - 5 times a year, and start off with a piece of my vision "missing." I can't explain it better than that. It's not like there's a black spot, there's just something missing. This is followed by what I call a prism spot. It starts small, but then spreads out to block out part of the vision in that eye. It's actually very pretty; it shimmers in faint colors something like this: (see illustration above).

It is impossible for me to work on the computer or read during this stage; it's just too painful. When the auras go away, sometimes I get a headache, sometimes I don't... but what usually happens is I "get all weird." Don't know how to explain this either, but it's as if I'm just observing what's going on around me in a completely detached way, almost like I'm watching a movie. I remember one incident where I sat observing my fingers. They looked so strange.

A couple of days ago I had just come out of the aura stage and we were trying out our brand-new coffee maker for the first time. It worked beautifully. Paul left to do something, and I wanted more coffee (caffeine seems to help my migraines). I was going to wait until he got back, but I thought, "I'm smart. I can figure it out." I set it up, and started the coffee. It overflowed everywhere. I stopped it, checked everything, started it again. Overflowed. I started crying. When Paul came back, I explained the problem. He looked at me quizzically and picked up a key piece of the coffee maker that was missing - the part that snaps the filter into place. It was sitting right there on the counter in front of me. I removed it from the coffee maker myself, but had no recollection of doing so nor did I see it there. Furthermore, the brand-new coffee maker was rendered inoperable because of my incompetence.

I excused myself to the bedroom where I sobbed like my heart was going to break.

Later, I fell down the stairs.

So, in looking up information for Kevin's situation, I learned a lot about my own. About a third of migraine sufferers experience the auras and their accompanying symptoms. There's a condition called, appropriately, "Alice in Wonderland syndrome" to describe a little of what I experience during migraines, including confusion and an altered reality. Often moodiness and irritability accompany this. Huh.

From now on, a migraine for me means quiet time in bed, with no attempts to be useful or productive allowed. I think it's best for everyone involved. The more you know.

(clamhead's blog, Apply directly to the forehead, September 3, 2007)

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