s5

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lifecycle of a migraine - we all need a good whinge from time to time, no?

By s5


incubation

a migraine begins when i've neglected some body maintenance item. this usually means no morning coffee, or i've waited too long to eat.

self destructive behavior

now i'm reloading stupid websites. my shoulders are at ear altitude and my spinal column has taken the shape of a question mark. in other words, i'm sitting like the sweaty hunched over guy in the ergonomics chapter of the macintosh manual. his caption says "NO" in bold. next to him is the uptight secretary who has perfectly adjusted her workspace to meet modern health and safety standards. i am not her. i am the other guy.

back pain becomes neck pain becomes head pain. but i ignore all warning signs and remain stationed behind the computer, reloading livejournal repeatedly. the computer desk is a self-abuse theme park.

light and sound

all light becomes blinding. i feel every photon like a nail gun against my eye socket. i bury my head in the nearest opaque object to block out the light. then i release a small mewing sound so that olivia knows i need her to do something. she is good about these things because she also gets intense migraines. i point at the light switch and grumble. this means "sweetie could you please turn off the light? i have a bad headache" but it sounds more like "nnrrrghhh - i can't - could you - too bright". it is also at this point that my eyes water and turn red.

she will still be typing on her computer. this is when all sound becomes deafening. each clack-clack from her keyboard reverberates inside my skull like the footsteps of godzilla destroying neotokyo.

inflated need for physical contact

i am very simple: i need petting. lots and lots of petting. in fact i become very needy, and when not cursing the pain, i curse myself for being intolerable. i also construct and surround myself with elaborate pillow structures. sometimes i'll convince the cat to be where i am.

reconsidering rejected painkillers

looking over the leaflet from my imitrex prescription, i am reminded that "In rare cases, people have suffered seizures after taking Imitrex." no thanks, i'll sit this one out.

trepanation

then i wonder about amanda fielding. do you think that hole in her head really helps decrease fluid pressure against her brain? i wonder how it would feel to drill a hole in my skull. i replay my memories of watching her drill herself on video.

pathetic appeals to a higher power

this begins as vague promises to do yoga again. the only thing that stops me from going is habit. but going to yoga means my life is migraine free so why don't i go? because i'm fucking lazy, that's why. which means i deserve what i get. (and this is where my train of thought includes existential speculation.) i am lazy so my inaction results in pain. is it self-inflicted or inflicted by the universe, and to what extent is this the same thing. if i am part of the universe, i at least deserve a vote. on the other hand, how can i claim to hold reverence for all sentient life if i can't even be fucked to treat my own body properly. (anyway this continues on until i remember that there is ashtanga at the yoga place down the hill. i commit to "really go this time".)

resolution

at some point it goes away. it could be an hour or two days later. i have heard of salt or caffeine or sex as possible migraine cures. i have heard all the folklore. what i really want instead is a heads up display to replace the pain mechanism. it would be so rocking to be a cyborg with blinking red lights and assorted readouts just beyond your field of vision. beep boop whrr.

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