HPPD art

Several HPPD sufferers have expressed their experiences in works of art, encompassing visual arts, literature and music.

"I tried my best to write a software application that shows how I see the world. Note: if you have some sort of condition that causes seizures, please don't download this - you have been warned. Note: This isn't EXACTLY how I see things; it's just an attempt to depict my condition. I was diagnosed with HPPD and schizophrenia almost 3 years ago. It took me almost dying of an overdose to change my habits. Yet I'm still alive and will start posting new programs all the time."

(Jared Bruni aka LmaSterD, April 5, 2006)

"Yeah flashbacks can be wicked bro, sometimes I go in and out of it....."

(Jared Bruni aka LmaSterD, September 30, 2005)

"Sometimes, when I think to myself - another day, another vision; I express my thoughts in the form of dynamic objects which invert and evolve based on their input from the environment. Those moving images are of other images put through a 'distortion' algorithm. Which is basically how my thoughts move the invidual pin points of light I see in different orders based on my mood and current thoughts. Basically a series of psychedelic strings or patterns encoded in the C++ language that can be seen on the computer screen."

(Jared Bruni aka LmaSterD, Email to Klaus Podoll, April 24, 2006)

"Since the first time I took mushrooms, just about all textures and patterns move and breathe slightly if I stare at them whenever I take ANY drug including caffeine."

(WhiskeyClone, Shroomery – Comprehensive Mushroom Information, Re: Mild HPPD: The Shroom has bitten me... , August 22, 2002)

"I heard you are a doctor doing research on HPPD? If so I would like to help and am willing to give you whatever information you need in regards to this... I have a deviant art website and here is a link to a specific image that represents the 'streaks of light' that I get. The streaks across my field of vision are very much like those threads of multicolor light... although more 'neon' colored in real life." [more]

(Andrew [subject #99], Emails to Klaus Podoll, May 11 and 12, 2006)

"In fact you're right, a lot of my art (specifically a lot of the pieces in my deviant art site) are derived from things that I see regularly, or have seen, and I draw a lot of my artistic inspiration from my hppd and/or psychedelic experiences."

(Andrew [subject #99], Email to Klaus Podoll, May 14, 2006)

"I'm an artist, who has recently graduated, and done some fairly heavy experimentation. It has forever changed my own art work... But the visual trip which I carry with me, day to day, is hard to master sometimes... Art has been a dealing mechanism. Enclosed are some examples, though some of them might irrelevant to what you are studying."

(Casey D, Email to Klaus Podoll, February 28, 2007)

The American fractal artist Zone Patcher wrote About HPPD, a Flickr Group encompassing over 100 digital artists with a Group Photo Pool of over 1000 images: "Hallucinogenic Persisting Perception Disorder.... some of us suffer from this.... try as we do to create photographic Art.. it always ends up looking like..... HPPD.. ??... some may refer to it as a \'flashback\'.... The great cycles of time have brought us full circle to this new moment and we are hoping to gather an intimate, yet small, group of digital artists producing magical transformative technoshamanic images....." (the spelling irregularities from the original have been corrected for the benefit of non-native English speakers).

(Zone Patcher, Flickr Group HPPD, January 31, 2006)

Flashback, a Flash animation by Danny Gomez, has been widely circulated around the Internet, especially in psychedelic trance and Goa trance communities (for example, see here, here or here). The animation features a patient who suffers from HPPD and his doctor Albert Hofmann, the "father of LSD" (see LSD - My Problem Child). The doctor introduces a new experimental treatment influenced by shamanic medicine which causes the patient to go into a trance. The rest of the video features psychedelic music and intense imagery taken from the artwork Discover, also by Danny Gomez.

Nexxxtofkin's video Acid an shrooms flashback was posted at YouTube November 20, 2006 (see here). Neurosoup's video HPPD was released at YouTube at March 19, 2007 (see here). The same author created Entheogens: Part 1 (April 29, 2007; see here) and Entheogens: Part 2 (April 30, 2007; see here).

Has anyone seen the movie Crank??

"Last night I saw the recent movie Crank [2006], and the first thing that came to mind was it was the perfect persistent migraine aura/HPPD simulator. The movie is basically about this hit man who gets drugged by some 'synthetic Chinese s#$#$t', and he wakes up, and tried to hunt down who is responsible, while trying to find a treatment for it. For a great portion of the movie, you get to see through his eyes, and you see lots of visual distortions, the screen shakes an awful lot, etc. There is also one part where he has severe trailing and ghosting in his vision as it starts to overtake him.

If anyone doesn't believe you, just recommend they see the movie Crank!"

(starrant [subject #138], Ezboard forum Visual snow or static – Discussion - Has anyone seen the movie Crank??, June 21, 2007; additions in square brackets by Klaus Podoll)

HPPD as source of artistic inspiration

"Many people who've never tripped can stare at stucco on the wall for a long time and it will start to swim or pulsate. I never could to begin with, though I can get slight movement now after staring for about 30 seconds.

I work in the visual arts, and if I began to notice a progressive deterioration in my perception as a result of psychedelic drugs I would stop. I'm an infrequent & moderate user anyway, so I'm not too worried...

After my first mushroom experience I believe I *did* start seeing things differently, but in a positive way. That is, with more detail, clarity, depth- and especially more intense and subtly varied color. An awareness of fractal structures in nature. All of this has been helpful. I think I've got a little more 'noise,' but outweighed by a lot more 'signal.'"

(Xibalba, Ayahuasca Forums, Subject: HPPD Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder – HPPD – Permafried, March 4, 2003)

"I can't imagine having creativity without first having a visual sea of noise from which to draw from...."

(Paraplex, Ezboard forum Visual snow or static - Archive 1 – Kundalini awakening, July 30, 2003)

HPPD art

"Hey everyone

I just had a brainstorm. I imagine a lot of you have written poems or done visual art related to this condition (hppd/visual snow), whether positive or negative.

I have just been able to start writing about it. So... I was thinking that I would like to compile a zine/chapbook of hppd art. I am most interested in poetry, since it's my craft, but would like to see some other stuff - also visual art is more expensive to reproduce.

I would put together a little book and sell it at poetry readings in Toronto.

I would like to say the proceeds will go to hppd research, but from past experience you're lucky if you break even with this sort of thing, so really it's just a means to create awareness in the artistic community in Toronto, which I think is worthwhile.

If you are interested, email submissions in word format attachments (or just paste them into the email) to jjjscheier@hotmail.com.

I've also gotten back into editing my friends' poetry, so I may send stuff back to you with some constructive criticism and suggest you resend with some edits. But feel free to ignore my suggestions; I certainly won't reject anything.

I'm really excited about this idea.

If you don't want to use your real name, a pseudonym is fine or you can just be 'anonymous' that's cool too.

- jacob"

(Jacob [subject #100], Ezboard forum Visual snow or static – Archive - call for artist submission on hppd/visual snow experience, October 19, 2005)

Actually, HPPD art can be considered as a variety of psychedelic art, as described in the first book on the subject by Masters and Houston (1968). According to these authors, "Surrealism was exclusive; psychedelic art is inclusive; it does not withdraw from the external world but rather affirms the value of inwardness as complementary awareness. The aim of psychedelic experience is to expand the consciousness so that it can be a consciousness of more... It has no fascination with madness or the hallucinations of madness. It seeks out the images and other phenomena to be found in the depths of the normal expanded mind. It shares with surrealism, and much other art, the intent to shock the viewer into a transformed awareness."

(Masters and Houston, 1968, p. 97)

Genesis (of my illness)

By Jacob S. Scheier

1.

First there was the word
and i only (had) sounds

First there was the word:
mother

taught me the names
of the fowl of the air
and every beast in the field,
and the father

was no word for absence
of (the) mother

my name,
every noun of her
meaning somewhere inside, rotting
to babble before it reaches
her mouth, still (and) open

2.

in the beginning
of without
the word, I named again
the air and field
sounds clumped together
and lit the open mouth,
in the face of the deep

3.

again, first, there was the word

And it was good
enough

4.

But He said unto me:
it can (always) be better

and he had many letters after his name,
blessing him
with authority
he cured
without touch or speech,
but with something small and round
to swallow

when i doubted
when i said i can slither through it
He said, you do not know
what I know,
held out a thin branch of his arm
and i followed,
i obeyed

5.
And on the seventh day
the earth collapsed

On the seventh day
i lost part of my sight

6.

First there was the word
and it was blurred

The shadow of each letter
ate into the next

And darkness was upon the face of the deep

7.

The names (again) turned to absence
i could not call this smeared yellow thing
a flower
i could not name this thing
encircled in a ghostly halo
and spraying light in a hundred directions,
the moon

Without names,
i was not master of the animals
but surrounded by monsters.

i beg often to leave here,
but no one responds
i ask which way is east
and am received in silence

Jacob Scheier, More to Keep Us Warm, 2007 (see here). The book includes a revised version of the poem "Genesis" and a poem called "In Her Voice" that also talks about HPPD symptoms.

Jacob S. Scheier experienced a range of visual disturbances, including palinopsia (trails and afterimages), photosentivity, starbursts, halos and aeropsia (visual snow) after a few days of taking a generic version of the anti-depressant medication mirtazapine, although given his previous use of LSD, Ecstasy and mushrooms, several years prior to the occurrence of symptoms, it can not be proven whether this drug is directly responsible for his condition (see here). He was diagnosed in March of 2005 with HPPD, about a month after symptoms developed. Jacob was unable to function for several months before adjusting to the condition. He is now (2006) working on a book length poetry collection (Scheier, 2007) and returning to academic studies in the fall. His poems have been published in several literary journals and have appeared on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) radio. He lives in his hometown of Toronto, Canada.

HPPD poem

Pinpricks of hurt [::koolaid '02]

Blue in a black and white world,
stray splash of paint on the canvas,
from a droplet of water lost in the puddle,

Hidden in the slur of the bustle,
shivers in a world of eyes facing away,
warmth on the outside yet none within,

Awaiting a magpie with an eye for the one,
masterpiece to declare, love to share,
black and white with a will to see blue.

(koolaid, Ezboard forum HPPD – HPPD – General Support – HPPD poem, December 18, 2002)

"Let me set the scene... All my friends have gone home and left me in this big student house. The heating is broken and it must be about 3 degrees c outside. Brrrrrrrrrrrr.

I've just met a really amazing girl, had some incredible times in the last couple of days - but she's gone home for Christmas. Maybe she will be my magpie?

Don't worry I've been enjoying the loneliness, I haven't written a poem in over a year & I'm enjoying listening to Sigur Ros & Dntel too =)"

(koolaid, Ezboard forum HPPD – HPPD – General Support – Setting the scene, December 18, 2002)

Some HPPD Poetry

By Ella_Guru

WALLPAPER THIN VIEWS:

Wallpaper thin views from clouded shops of shoes,
Perfume and decay lay waste on display,
For the billboard may be the dearest apology of irredescent quality.
"Come see my shed and you can sit on my throne."
Once i heard a shadow said the voice in my head,
For only drops of rain saw me, i knew i was dead.

---------------

Untitled:

Beast cries for water when whistle not wet,
A due of aristocratic bats high heavy on salt with reflex of skin and bone,
Malty rain on television soaked sea waters for only blue,
Champion to moon with weather and forgery,
Star to the picture of soul,
Never untold, come what may...

---------------

NOTHING IS HIDDEN FROM EVERYWHERE:

Nothing is hidden from everywhere
Mark my words

The palace of time sheltered from non-existence
Higher pleasure cut deeper to a soul of trinity and slavery
Understand if you will
Pen to paper, mind to map, head to hat

Mark my words
Nothing is hidden from everywhere

The prehistoric, the ancient, the kettle

Mark my words

------------------

SOUL IN A CROWD OF TIME:

My mother always spoke whilst dancing with crutches:
"keep your eyes peeled" as my hearing wept
"I cannot sleep" like emotion plaguing dog's mind
"I am just too busy" like soul possessed with time
And her heart beated shamelessly until the tears ran down her cheek.
"Now i will sleep!"
And once again she wept.

(Ella_Guru, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Some HPPD Poetry, April 13, 2004)

"Some poetry I wrote under the influence of HPPD, enjoy..."

(Ella_Guru, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Some HPPD Poetry, April 13, 2004)

Who am I today?

By Deadwing

Disfigured reality, teasing behind my eyelids
No escape, conclusions precede questions
Thinking’s never slow, who am I today?

What have I found, unlocked in there was something
Phantasmic wonders roam free
They won’t go back in their cage.

But I ask myself am I more conscious than you?
The doors open, bottomless pits behold, don’t fall
Hanging on to the swing-bridge in my mind

The devil laughs, stomping his feet on the other side

(Deadwing, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Who am I today?, May 7, 2006)

"I'm not very interested in poetry at all (which may show lol).. but here's one I made about HPPD and DR"

(Deadwing, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Who am I today?, May 7, 2006)

HERE'S A POEM - LET ME KNOW IF IT'S CRAP

I woke up one day and I looked at me
Then I took more LSD
And then I looked at me

And I wasn’t there anymore

Great gaping hole in my head
Where my mind used to be
I knew I knew a piece was dead
Nothing would ever be the same again

I was lost and scared that I would never find my way home
To a sanity I never thought I possessed
Until today
Never feel love
Never feel happy
Never giggle helplessly
Never feel content
Never look at anything with innocence
For I had corrupted all
I had soiled myself

Time spent gazing in confusion at
Patterns everywhere
Trails of moving fingers pass my eyes
Rainbows on lights
Faces looking green and grim an oh so evil

The too, too bright sunshine
Clattering light on the emerald grass

Did I ever really enjoy doing this to myself?
And now I am Alice forever in the looking glass

Lock me up – lock this reject up

I cannot survive this self-inflicted nightmare
This stupid thing I have done to me, to me
I have broken my soul
And it lies shattered on the pavement with broken glass

(tigress, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Who am I today?, February 20, 2007)

Proof of Kurt Cobain having HPPD

"This is a quote out of 'Kurt Cobain; Journals his private diaries:

'Just before I fall asleep and when I'm really bored I... Lay down and think for a while until I fall into a semi hypnotic state of sub-consciousness, some call it day dreaming, some call it just fucking spacing out. but I feel like i'm not here and it doesn't matter because i'm sick of putting myself into boring situations and conversations, just every day basic sit com happinengs. some call it thinking but when in this particular state of mind i forget to think and it becomes strictly observatory. I notice very sensitivity like if i focus really hard i can see small transparent blotches of debris on the outer shell of my eyes (or the conjunctiva) and can only follow it as my eye moves downard. it's like watching film footage of amoeba or jelly like plankton under a microscope. And when I close my eyes and look up to the sun the bright orange redness radiates an intense picture of blood cells or what i think are blood cells. and they are moving very rapidly and again i can only focus for so long before my eyes strain and i have to look away from the sun into a pillow and rub my eyes hard then i see tiny spheres of sparkling light which (some call them stars) only stay for a second then as my eyes focus again amongst the water or tears from rubbing I open then look up to the sky away from the sun and forget about stupid fucking little squiggly things moving on the outer layer of my eyes or the close up blood cells in my eye lids and i stare at the sky with perrifial vision and not trying but just happening to make out all kinds of faces and objects statues in the clouds and i can do the same with wood grain of the panneling on my walls. and so what. once i saw jesus on a tortilla shell.'

I dont know. This is very interesting. Thought some of you might enjoy it.

Think you could make this a sticky?

I listened to Nirvana's music all through my really rough times right after getting HPPD. It was weird, because the whole time I was listening to Nirvana music I could just feel it deep down that Kurt Cobain would understand what I was going through if I told him (and he would be the only one)."

(name, HPPD online Message Board – HPPD General Support Section – Proof of Kurt Cobain having HPPD, October 19, 2005)

References

Cobain K. Journals. Riverhead Books, New York 2002.
Heigl P. Mystik und Drogenmystik. Ein kritischer Vergleich. Patmos, Düsseldorf 1984
Krippner S. Research in creativity and psychedelic drugs. Int J Clin Exp Hypn 1977; 25: 274-290.
Krippner S. Psychedelic drugs and creativity. J Psychoactive Drugs 1985; 17: 235-245.
Masters REL, Houston J. Psychedelic Art. Grove Press, New York 1968.
Pahnke WN. Drugs and mysticism. International Journal of Parapsychology 1966; 8: 295-313.
Scheier J. More to Keep Us Warm. Ecw Press, 2007.
ten Berge J. Jekyll and Hyde revisited: paradoxes in the appreciation of drug experiences and their effects on creativity. J Psychoactive Drugs 2002; 34: 249-262.